7 Pitfalls to Avoid in Your Discipleship
Pitfalls to Avoid
As you get going in discipleship and doing spiritual good to others, consider a couple of pitfalls you should avoid. The following list isn’t exhaustive, but hopefully it will help you approach the discipling task with wisdom.
1. Don’t Be Possessive
Well-meaning people can be tempted to approach discipling with an unhealthy possessiveness. I’ve been in ministry circles where people call those they invest in “my disciples.” They become strangely jealous when others give advice to “their disciples.” Let’s not get things twisted: they are not your disciples. They are Jesus’s disciples. He bought them with his blood. He calls you to help them follow him—and to invite others to do the same.
Discipling is designed as partnership with God and other believers. Paul reminded the Corinthians, “I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth” (1 Cor. 3:6–7). No one person is sufficient to completely disciple another person. We best serve others by pointing them to other faithful Christians who can help them as well. Don’t make disciples codependent on you and don’t be codependent on them. All discipling should foster dependence on Jesus.
How Do I Disciple Others?
J. Garrett Kell
In this addition to the Church Questions series, J. Garrett Kell explains why discipleship is essential and shows readers how to intentionally invest in the lives of fellow believers.
2. Don’t Circumvent the Local Church
As a young believer, I took part in several parachurch ministries. I was blessed by them, but they often undervalued the local church. Their emphasis on the universal church shortcircuited God’s plan to shape and mature believers in local churches. Worship meetings, service opportunities, and community fellowship was typically segregated from the church.
The normative New Testament pattern for spiritual growth is in the committed membership of a local church under the oversight of godly elders. In that context, disciples are built up by people from all walks and stages of life. Parachurch ministries, though helpful, lack the biblical authority and design to help believers grow best. In your zeal to disciple others, make sure that you point them toward the local church, not away from it.
3. Don’t Fear People
Proverbs 29:25 warns us,
The fear of man lays a snare,
but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.
Fear of man is dangerous in every arena of life, including discipling. If you fear people, you will not love them well. Fear can hinder you from sharing your struggles or weaknesses because you want to impress them. Fear might keep you from asking penetrating questions or calling out sin. Don’t let fear of others (or fear of losing what they can do for you) lead you down a path that could hinder someone’s eternal destiny.
Discipling is designed as partnership with God and other believers.
4. Don’t Be Rigid
Life is messy, so discipling requires flexibility. If your discipling plan can’t adapt to what’s going on in a person’s life, you may unintentionally undermine the gospel truths you proclaim. I learned this principle the hard way. Early in my walk with the Lord, I was zealous about discipling. I often met with younger brothers to study books of the Bible. I was so committed to my plans that, at times, I lost sight of the people in front of me.
I won’t forget the time a young man sat at my kitchen table and shared his doubts about the Lord and struggles with sin that were consuming his life. I prayed for him and then instead of detouring from my discipling plan to walk with him through his trial, we pressed on through the lesson I had planned. My rigidity hindered love and confused him even more about God. It’s good to be focused, but you must also be flexible.
5. Don’t Hold Yourself Responsible for the Sins of Others
We are responsible for how we minister to others, but not how they respond. People will sin, even when you warn them not to. Some will fall away despite your pleading. Some might betray you, despite of your love for them. Jesus had his Judas, Paul his Demas, and you will have them too. Do not allow others’ sins to shackle you with guilt. Their sin is not your fault. In the end, we are each responsible for how we respond to God. He alone can bear their sins. You may weep over their sins, but do “not grow weary in doing good” (Gal. 6:9).
6. Don’t Be a Hypocrite
Jesus assured us, “A disciple is not above his teacher, but everyone when he is fully trained will be like his teacher” (Luke 6:40). He goes on to warn that this sort of hypocrisy will be deadly for those trained by it (Luke 6:41–49). Beware of being harder on others than you are on yourself. If you instruct others, make sure you instruct yourself so that God’s name will not be blasphemed (Rom. 2:21–24). One of the best ways to combat hypocrisy is by ensuring that you too are being discipled. We never graduate from the need to be invested in by other faithful believers. All of the pastors I serve with are in some sort of mutually edifying relationship with other believers who help them pursue humility, holiness, and happiness in Christ. No matter your maturity, remain teachable and accountable.
7. Don’t Ignore Your Limitations
John the Baptist was clear with his followers: “I am not the Christ” (John 1:20). He knew his limitations. So must we. Our discipling ability and availability will change throughout our lives. In some seasons we’ll be able to invest more time and effort in discipling. Other seasons might be less active. We can’t be everywhere for everyone. Instead, we must strive to be faithful in the work God sets before us.
You can’t fix everything for everyone, and you shouldn’t try. Some things will simply be out of your control. You shouldn’t feel like you have to have all the answers. After all, the best discipling involves helping people lean on God, who knows what we don’t know.1 So enjoy the liberty that comes with recognizing that God cares for people in all the ways we cannot. Recognizing his all-sufficiency won’t create apathy, it’ll create deep humility as you point others to him.
Notes:
- Hat-tip to Zach Eswine’s wonderful book The Imperfect Pastor: Discovering Joy in Our Limitations through a Daily Apprenticeship with Jesus (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2015) for these invaluable lessons.
This article is adapted from How Do I Disciple Others? J. Garrett Kell.
Related Articles
10 Things You Should Know about Family Discipleship
In Jesus's call to make disciples everywhere and to teach his commandments entirely, we can be absolutely sure that this imperative includes those disciples we will make in our own homes.
There is not an uninfluenced day, hour, or minute in our lives. We are constantly discipled by the cultural, relational, and spiritual forces around us. Which discipling forces influence you the most?
What Did Jesus Teach about Discipleship?
Jesus’s instruction about discipleship applies to all (i.e., not simply the twelve) who want to follow him and includes three elements: denying oneself, taking up one’s cross, and following him.
Help! I Can’t Find Someone to Disciple Me (Garrett Kell)
In this episode, Garrett Kell discusses why all Christians are called to be discipled and to disciple others.
