Answering Kids’ Hardest Questions: Won’t God Accept Me Because of the Good Things I’ve Done?

This article is part of the Answering Kids’ Hardest Questions series.

A Heart Posture

Won’t God accept me if I’m good enough or if I do all the right things? Some of our kids have that kind of question. Actually, all of us, to some extent, especially if we are people pleasers and we strive to do the right thing, that will be a person who tends to struggle with recognizing sometimes that they have sin in their life. Or we could look around and see the sibling that is doing far worse things and think, I’m doing okay. And so we can sometimes translate that, or children sometimes can, to I’m doing okay. I’m not like my brother.

It can be hard to recognize that we need to help those children who tend to be a little bit more like the older brother in the story of the prodigal son—not the one that’s as naturally pushing against the rules, but the one that seems like they’re fairly compliant. If we’re honest as parents, sometimes we can think, Oh, that child’s doing fine. They’re listening to me. They’re following what I say. They’re pleasing me. This is great, but what often can happen behind the surface is the heart issue behind that may not be a heart posture of submission. It may be trying to please for their gain. It may be simply trying to avoid getting in trouble.

It may not translate to an understanding that they need a Savior just as much as their little brother who’s maybe pushing all the boundaries. And so we need to approach that child a little bit differently, helping them understand that behavior on the surface may seem like you’re following the rules, and that’s wonderful. God wants us to obey his laws. He wants you to obey mommy and daddy. But it’s also important to ask yourself, Why? Where in your heart are there temptations to think that you’re better than your brother or your sister? Are there temptations to judge them because you think you wouldn’t make that mistake? That’s also a heart of pride, which is sin.

The Long Road Home

Sarah Walton

Through the experiences of Wander, this creative retelling of the parable of the prodigal son teaches children ages 6–8 about the love of the heavenly Father and biblical truths about worth and identity.

We need to help them understand more broadly what sin is. It’s about being in a relationship with God, pursuing his holiness in a way that is not just about behavior and choices. We can train our children into obedience, but does that prepare a heart to submit to their heavenly Father? It may in a behavioral sense, but not always in the heart of submission. Reading the story of the prodigal son has been really helpful in our family.

That’s why I wrote on that topic because I think all of us have a heart of both of the younger son and the older son. But we can help our children see the tendency that they have. We may notice that one has a little more of a rebellious spirit, but one may struggle more with this question. We can talk with them and help them understand what sin is in our hearts. It is not always just behavior. It is sometimes an attitude we have.

It’s that, sure, I’m doing what you told me to, but I’m actually not happy about it inside or I’m doing it for my own gain. I’m not really doing it because I want to honor the person who’s asking me. The older son in the story was doing the right things. He wasn’t disobeying his father. He didn’t do the hurtful thing like his little brother of saying, Give me my inheritance. I want to leave you and I want to go spend this money. So on the surface, he looked like he was making the better choices—and he was in some sense.

But what happened when the younger son came home was that the father came running to his younger son, so overjoyed that his son who was lost was now found. And what came up in the older brother then was pride, anger, and a feeling of injustice. I deserve this. He doesn’t deserve that. And we’re going to see some of that behavior come up in our kids. Having our own minds prepared to understand that this heart of sin is in all of our children. They’re all created in the image of God. They’re all loved beyond measure. But to be able to hold that in tandem with an understanding that we’re all fallen beings.

It’s encouraging to help kids to see that God doesn’t need you to be perfect.

How that comes out may look different in each of our kids. Maybe ask questions of your child. What makes you think that your brother is worse than you? What makes you think that you know because you made this decision? Do you think God loves you more than he loves your brother? Asking our kids questions back can be incredibly fruitful because it helps them learn to be discerning themselves, to be critical thinkers. Then, open the Bible with them, open to this prodigal son story and say, What do you see in the older son? Do you think that was the right response for him to have when his brother came home? And why do you think he was angry?

It’s interesting how our kids can pull out things a lot more than we expect them to. They may start to notice themselves in that story. Or you can gently point out something like, You know, I’ve noticed sometimes, sweetie, that there are times when your brother does something and you kind of gloat around him like he deserves that. And helping them see that a heart posture is also sin.

There’s actually great freedom in realizing they can’t earn God’s forgiveness because that will eventually grow down the road as adults into this idea that I have to live up to this perfect standard. And that’s crushing. We can help our kids when they’re younger to understand they can’t be good enough, because no matter what, we have all fallen short of God’s standards. And strangely, there’s freedom in that because we don’t have to prove that we deserve it because we will all come up against something at some point in our life where we are faced with our fallenness. Help them understand that, and they will be more likely to run to the Lord when they do see the ugliness of their sin. It can also help to show compassion from sibling to sibling when we understand that we all struggle in different ways.

How can we support each other? How can we encourage each other instead of this comparison that one is better than the other? It’s encouraging to help kids to see that God doesn’t need you to be perfect. God doesn’t need you to prove that you are good enough, and there’s freedom in that. You will find greater joy when you can submit yourself to him and be able to truly see that the good I’m doing is not for me. It’s not to prove anything, but it’s because I truly want to honor the Lord.

Sarah Walton is the author of The Long Road Home: A Tale of Two Sons and a Father’s Never-Ending Love.

Sarah Walton is the coauthor of Hope When It Hurts; Together Through the Storms; and He Gives More Grace, and the author of Tears and Tossings. She and her husband, Jeff, live in Colorado Springs with their four children. You can find more of Sarah’s writings at her website setapart.net.

View All

Answering Kids’ Hardest Questions: Will God Always Keep Me Safe?

William R. Osborne

November 02, 2023

As a parent, we’re often trying to help our kids overcome fears that they might be encountering in their lives. But we have to remember that God never promises bad things won't happen to us.