How to Fight Well in the War against Porn
Guard1 your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.—Prov. 4:23
Guard Your Heart from Lustful Thoughts
Many people believe they’ll flourish from the outside in, but we believe we flourish from the inside out. We believe the great things in life come not from our outward advantages but from our inward resources. Which means that, however bad this world gets, with the risen Jesus living within you, you can always have something positive to offer everyone you meet.
His new world of nobility doesn’t need you to look impressive. You are impressive. You just are. Don’t worry about that. Concentrate instead on guarding your heart deep inside. Protect “with all vigilance” a clear conscience before the Lord. Remind yourself— even announce to yourself every day—that he rejoices over you. Whatever insanity is going on around you, his “springs of life” can flow within you and from you to refresh others.
A historian friend of mine—Dr. John Woodbridge—told me this true story about the great evangelist Billy Graham: In 1976 Jimmy Carter was running for the presidency. Playboy magazine interviewed him during the campaign. At one point in the interview, Carter admitted, “I’ve looked on a lot of women with lust. I’ve committed adultery in my heart many times.”2 That doesn’t surprise us today, but it made national news then.
The Death of Porn Study Guide
Ray Ortlund
This companion study guide to Ray Ortlund’s The Death of Porn features discussion questions, chapter summaries, Scripture passages, and prayers to help men redefine their futures with new dignity and confident purpose.
Not long after, Billy Graham was on the phone with my friend John. Among other things, they discussed the Carter interview. Billy explained how disappointed he was that a prominent Christian man would have to admit that. Billy wasn’t naive, nor was he dumping on Carter. But he had set such a high standard for what he allowed into his own thought world that he was grieved for Carter. No wonder Billy Graham’s ministry flowed with “the springs of life” for so many people!3
Son, by God’s grace, you can guard your heart with that same vigilance—in two ways.
One, you can guard your heart from lustful thoughts. Remember the high standard Jesus gave us? “Everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt. 5:28). We have no right to say back to our King: “No. That’s impossible. You’re asking too much of me.” His commands are not impossibilities—not with his help. Nor are his commands a menu of options we can choose from. His commands are his total integrity entering into us by his grace, making us whole.
Let’s always say to him, “Lord, help me to obey you, right now, at a deeper level.” And let’s support one another as we fight for our integrity. But let’s never make room for sin—even in our thoughts. The gospel calls us to live lives “fully pleasing to him” (Col. 1:10). That isn’t sinless perfection. But it is total openness. It’s what love for Jesus looks like. He loves us, and we love him back by giving him access to all that we are. And we never tell him to look away or back off or get out. We can face the worst within us, because he is our King of grace.
So the instant a lustful thought springs into our minds, let’s refuse the temptation. And let’s cry out to the Lord, “Help me!” He’s always there. The Bible says of Job not that he was never tempted by evil but that he “turned away from evil” (Job 1:1, 8; 2:3). And the Bible calls that “integrity” (Job 2:9). It’s like this. You can’t stop birds from flying over your head, but you can stop them from making nests in your hair. That is what “guarding your heart” looks like. It’s how “the springs of life” stay fresh and full within.
Guard Your Heart from Despairing Thoughts
Two, you can guard your heart from despairing thoughts. Your worst temptation is not sexual but spiritual—giving up on God, because you think he’s given up on you. Martin Luther understood.
My temptation is this—that I think I don’t have a gracious God. This is [because I am still caught up in] the law. It is the greatest grief, and it produces death. God hates it, and he comforts us by saying, “I am your God.” I know his promise. And yet, should some thought that isn’t worth a fart nevertheless overwhelm me, I have the advantage (that our Lord God gives me) of taking hold of his Word once again. God be praised, I grasp the First Commandment which declares, “I am your God. I’m not going to devour you. I’m not going to poison you.” . . . We ought to know that above all righteousness and above all sin stands the declaration, “I am the Lord your God.”4
It is to us sinners that Jesus keeps offering himself: “Whoever believes in me”—not “whoever deserves me”—but “whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water’” (John 7:38). So we’re no longer limited to ourselves. We will never bring our need to Jesus and come away empty. I know this from experience, Son. You keep turning to him, and you’ll know it from your own experience, more and more.
Deep Romance
Here’s how personal it gets. For too many years, I didn’t understand why God created me sexual. This male sexual intensity I began to feel in my boyhood, which grew with my adult manhood and has been surging within me all these years—why? It can’t be dirty. It can’t be absurd. It was his idea. But what was his purpose?
The way to fight well over the long haul is by bringing your empty broken heart to be filled and refilled, over and over again, by the Lord.
At some point along the way it finally dawned on me: “Oh, my strong feelings aren’t just for me. They’re for her. My sexuality burns within me to drive me to my wife, to make her happy.” For me as a married man, guarding my heart means devoting my sexuality—all this energy—to my wife, and to her only. Then my drive is focused and intensified all the more. That way my wife is honored and loved, and I’m honored and loved, and we as a couple have that much more positive energy for serving others. For us, this is how the human sexual drama flows into the “rivers of living water” Jesus promised.
Guarding our hearts is how, by his grace, my wife and I have found our way into a deep romance, with four kids and fifteen grandchildren to show for it. Jesus is building something of his new world of nobility through our family. It began when he touched my body with the gift of sexuality. But it began making sense when I finally received it as a gift not just to me but for her. Sexuality and spirituality can converge with life-giving power. Who knew?
Son, during your single years, and during your married years when you’re far from home, your sexuality can still be powerful for good. Inactive sexuality is not nonsexuality. It is purposeful sexuality. It is sexuality finding its ultimate purpose, dedicated to God—and blessed by God. How do we know? How do we know that inactive sexuality can be glorious sexuality? We know from Jesus. He was a man, he never had sex, and he was gloriously complete. What did he do with all his energies at all levels of his being? “He went about doing good” (Acts 10:38). So can you, by his grace, for his glory.
I’m not saying it’s easy. It’s hard. In fact, I know of only one thing harder than obeying the Lord, and that is not obeying the Lord. Caving to my impulses. Doing sexuality my own crazy way. And then feeling the bitter aftertaste of regret and shame. That’s harder.
Sexuality as a Gift
So why not receive your sexuality as a gift from him, and for him? Why not thank him for this amazing gift? Why not devote your sexuality to him every day? Guard your heart’s understanding of his ennobling purpose for all that you are.
Your heart is your scariest danger but also your secret resource. The way to fight well over the long haul is by bringing your empty broken heart to be filled and refilled, over and over again, by the Lord. You sure don’t have to guard your heart from him! You can take your questions and sorrows and needs and confusion to him moment by moment. Open your Bible each morning, read a psalm, journal, and pray. Psalm 25, for example. It’s real and raw. It’s “living water” for exhausted men. Go there, take a deep dive one verse at a time, and Jesus will surprise you with how his heart can flow into your heart. He will gladly give you all you need for yourself and for others every day, until your dying day.
And when your time does come, you’ll die happy. Your life will be an inspiring story of Jesus rescuing and refreshing others through you. At your funeral, people will weep. And the very memory of you will strengthen them for many more years, until their dying day.
Notes:
- My translation, the ESV, reads, “Keep your heart . . . ,” which is a correct translation. But “Guard your heart . . .” is also a valid rendering and conveys the force of the text more clearly. See NEB, NIV, REB, NLT
- Lee Dembart, “Carter’s Comments on Sex Cause Concern,” New York Times, September 23, 1976, https://www.nytimes.com/1976/09/23/archives/carters-comments-on-sex-cause -concern.html.
- I thank Dr. Woodbridge for this account, given in a phone conversation, September 4, 2020.
- Martin Luther, Tabletalk, ed. and trans. Theodore G. Tappert, vol. 54 of
This article is adapted from The Death of Porn: Men of Integrity Building a World of Nobility by Ray Ortlund.
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