The Ultimate Goal of Parenting
Realigning Hearts
The ultimate goal of parenting is not behavior management. It is heart realignment. So much of what we need to know and understand about the task of parenting is captured in this passage from Proverbs 22:15:
Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.
This short proverb is helpful in many amazing ways. Consider the following:
1) When God calls you to parent, you become his tool in the formation of a child he made in his image. This passage makes it clear that what is at stake in parenting is bigger than whether a child will do well at school, get a good job, or have a happy married life. No, what is at stake is the heart of the child. Will your child be rescued from his or her foolishness and live a life shaped by the fear of the Lord?
Everyday Gospel
Paul David Tripp
In the Everyday Gospel devotional, Paul David Tripp leads readers through the entire Bible in a year, helping you connect the transforming power of Scripture to your everyday life.
2) The root problem with your children is not their misbehavior but the condition of their heart. Disobedience, rebellion, and disrespect stem from a heart condition: foolishness. A fool’s world is upside down and inside out. A fool looks at wisdom and sees foolishness, at truth and sees falsehood, and at right and sees wrong. This means that the little one whom you love so much is a natural danger to himself.
3) A well-designed system of clear rules and punishments will not address a child’s deepest needs. The word discipline in this passage confuses many parents. Most parents think discipline is only about making sure children receive consequences for their wrong behavior. But the biblical picture of discipline is bigger than that. It includes loving instruction about what is important in life and helping your child view life from God’s perspective. Biblical discipline provides constant gospel instruction that points children to the rescuing grace of Jesus.
The root problem with your children is not their misbehavior but the condition of their heart.
4) You have no power at all to change the heart of your child. Because your child’s problem in life is the heart, good parenting begins by humbly acknowledging that you can’t give your child what he or she desperately needs. This means that you are never the change agent. Rather, you are an instrument in the hands of the one who has the power and the willingness to do in and for your child what you are unable to do.
5) The rod is a word picture for the importance of loving discipline of your children. You discipline your children not because they have made you mad, but because you love them. Loving discipline teaches them that sin has consequences and softens the heart to hear the gospel.
God meets parents with his rescuing and transforming grace. He works to change your heart so that you can become a tool of change in the heart of your child. You can have confidence that God is in you, with you, and for you as you help your child to understand that his or her hope in this life and the one to come is found only in the person and work of the Lord Jesus Christ.
This article is adapted from Everyday Gospel: A Daily Devotional Connecting Scripture to All of Life by Paul David Tripp.
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